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Stuck Up Chicks Suck

Dear Joe College,

As I am not yet a college student merely a Senior in high school. I find myself about to make a very difficult decision in life as to which institution of higher learning I should attend. My top requirement for such a place is the ladies. I must find someplace that has the most attractive women with a proper ratio of low self-esteem so as not to be much of a challenge for myself. And stuck up chicks suck. So any recommendations of locations where I can achieve my goal of one bang of a Fall `04? In the northeast would be preferable.

Lookin` To Score in 2004

Dear Pathetic High School Guy-

What am I, freakin’ US News and World Report? Geez man, it’s guys like you that make it tough for the rest of us. Sure, we all consider what school to go to based on the opposite sex, but do we really follow through? Okay, some of us do, but we shouldn’t. Because when you’re 31 and working the night shift at McDonald’s, the ratio in your freshman dorm won’t mean jack. Actually, it will mean jack. Because that’s all you’ll be doing after you get home. And your goal should be more than one bang. Shoot for the moon or you’ll never reach the stars, my friend.

And there are lots of schools that have good ratios. But remember - sometimes when the odds are good, the goods are odd.

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “Your name rhymes. How cute.”

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