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Ask Joe College

Ed Harris

Hey folks I had a problem with my roommate last year. I hope it doesn't happen again, but just incase I'd like to get your opinion.

At the beginning of the year we agreed that if someone needed the room because of a girl the other would find someplace else to crash. We had our signals to warn the other not to come in. However my roommate refused to use them. I don't know if it was just forgetfulness or being too drunk when he hooked up, but after a while I started to get the idea that he liked being walked in on. Thankfully my girlfriend and me could go to her place. I was worried that if he was ignoring the system when he hooked up, he was going to ignore it when I did too.

Any advice?

-Three's a crowd (Ed Harris)


First of all, I’m not plural. Just Joe College. There can be only one. But you were great in that movie where you got to bang Melanie Griffith even though you were old so all is forgiven.

It is anybody’s guess if your roommate was too drunk to remember, but the girl had to have been. Any girl who hooks up with someone too stupid to prevent that has got to be either drunk or a retarded half-monkey with a lisp. It is also possible that she was both.

My only advice would be to find a roommate who doesn’t hook up with monkeys. Also, don’t ever do another “The Aliens Are Coming.” Jeez, Ed, did you even read that script before you said yes?

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “even Susan Lucci has won an Academy Award by now.”

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