I Don’t Turn 18 Until May

Dear Joe College-

I'm 17 and a freshman at VT. I dont turn 18 until May 28. Does this mean all the guys I have been hooking up with are doing illegal things with me cuz that would suck [more than my roommate, who is a whore ;) ] I mean the number isnt that high for considering all the other hookupage going around but for a Mormon, its pretty darn high. I already know I'm going to mormon hell but I dont want to send anyone to jail. This is stupid . I hate the American legal system and its dumb laws outlawing blowjobs in certain states. I bet Virginia is one of those states. whatever BYE!

Mary-Catherine

To the Dope MC That Rocks a Mic Right,

The age of consent in Virginia is indeed 18 – which is ironic because that helps keep the “Virgin” in “Virginia”. I don’t know if blowjobs are legal in Virginia, but when I typed that into Google, I found all kinds of very educational sites that kept me busy for three and a half minutes before I remembered your question. Don’t worry though, I bookmarked them.

The answer to your question is simple – sexual activity with you is illegal for anyone over 19. But as you get older, things will change. For instance, you will learn grammar and punctuation and find out that no one has ever been arrested for giving a blowjob in college. Also, the best way to avoid these guys going to jail is by not broadcasting the fact that you’ve blown more guys than birthday candles.

Incidentally, if you hate the American legal system, you can move to, say, Afghanistan, where you can give all the blowjobs you like to your arranged husband from beneath your burkha.

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “Virginia ain’t so bad, now, huh?”

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Joe College may or may not be written by Steve Hofstetter.