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My Fraternity was Kicked Off

Dear Joe College,

I attend a university where the social system is driven by the fraternity scene. This past summer, my fraternity was kicked off campus, unfortunately not as the result of any hilarious/destructive/federal offense on our part. Now my fraternity is not only the butt of countless jokes campus wide, but we've also been evicted from our fraternity house leaving us... well homeless. What can my brothers and I do in order to regain our former awesomeness and/or awesome house?

The Guy Formerly Known as Frat Guy


First of all, getting kicked off should be for something way cool, like blowing up a building or a professor.

Second, there’s not much you can do at this point, short of competing in an academic, athletic, and spirit competition overseen by Jeremy Piven. However, you can go out in a blaze of glory by destroying the homecoming parade with a homemade tank, built thanks to the creative ingenuity only found in a house full of drunks with failing GPAs. Also, you could stop watching so many movies and get off your ass and contribute to society by blowing up a professor.

Joe College

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “Heh. You said ‘butt’.”

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