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Steve Hofstetter's Hatemail

THE HATE

Stevie -

A friend of mine has made a hobby out of finding really bad comedians to ridicule. Naturally, he recommended your humorless, politically-correct whining about the sophomoric Larry the Cable Guy on youtube.com. After I saw it, I wanted to help you out with some observational humor.

• If a comedian speaks for 7 minutes straight & cannot make a single human being laugh, is that person really a comedian?

• You're a real groundbreaker in extreme unoriginality. Your observational humor is derivative of the dozens of Seinfeld impersonators (in other words, you're a rip-off artist's rip-off artist). And your morality lecture about xenophobic, racist, & homophobic jokes can be found in a weekly editorial in every college newspaper in the US. (But you forgot to include charges of sexism, nativism, & age-ism!)

• It's a common tactic of celebrity-wannabes to attack a famous person in order to gain fame themselves. In that respect, you're like Ann Coulter (but even less witty & even more attention-starved). Talented comics never have to resort to this transparent strategy.

• It is extremely safe, easy, & cowardly to attack the white Southerner that critics already dislike. Dave Chapelle, Carlos Mencia, Eddie Griffin, & Howard Stern all do racist & homophobic jokes, but a wimpy, overly-sensitive white guy like yourself would find it morally reprehensible & risky to ever criticize a minority in any situation. Play it safe, Carrot Top, & never attack anyone that the critics adore.

• You're probably a pseudo-intellectual if... you have to promote yourself as "The Thinking Man's Comic". It's generally the critics' job to hand out those labels. Otherwise, it looks desperate & pathetic...

• In the history of the world, an ethnic joke or a gay joke has never killed anyone. Nazis, Klansmen, & Al Qaeda aren't known for telling jokes...but they sure did hang their enemies in effigy. You're in good company, guy.

• Finally Steve Hofstetter, you are hideously repulsive. It looks like your forehead is fighting to get rid of what's left of that awful orange hair. It shouldn't surprise anyone that a guy that looks like you is bitter & spiteful. It's guaranteed that you have a severe complex about small genitalia & failures with women.

Timothy Geller

PS. Go ahead & respond with some of your wacky quips, Olbermann-esque eyebrow raises, & sarcastic & biting one-liners. You're so predictable & derivative that I could probably guess what most of your replies will be.



MY RESPONSE

The fact that there are people like you who are smart enough to use words like that but dumb enough to use them in that order is what keeps me up at night. Though whether or not you could predict my horror at the time you wasted trying to cut down a guy who doesn't otherwise care that you exist is a moot point.

But for the sake of those reading this and laughing at you, I will address your points.

Right - no one laughed. Good point, you egotistical simp. You didn't laugh. But honestly, if no one laughed, why would so many people have left favorable comments about the video you're citicizing? Unless all those people are no one. Or you make sweeping generalizations about 13,000 people during the one YouTube visit you made where you didn't search the word "nipple."

I don't do much observational humor, and you'd know that if you had ever seen my standup. Your comparison of me to Seinfeld materialwise is moronic - while he was an influence, my material is tyically socio-political. But I bet you once read a critic that used a similar comparison and now you think you're smart for re-writing it. As for my stance against racism and homophobia, if you want to support those things, go ahead.

Comedians have been attacking each other for years, and you'd know that if you knew a damn thing about comedy. Hell, I'm not even the first to attack Larry. Currently, Dane Cook and Ron White are after each other in the press, and Jackie Mason and Henny Youngman used to do it, too. You'd know that if your comedy knowledge extended beyond TiVoed episodes of Last Comic Standing.

Critics dislike Larry because he sucks, not because he's a white southerner. And Nebraska isn't in the south, you hickory-brained moron. Just because I focus my attack on one guy doesn't mean I'm a fan of everything else - like I said hundreds of times, I'm going after Larry because he's the worst offender. You'd know that if you knew ANYTHING before telling me you know everything.

The critics did call me "The Thinking Man's Comic," you galatically stupid excuse for a college student. That's where I got it. It's a compliment to my audience, who are all people who use their education for more than abject hatred. You should meet them sometime.

Great point you made about racist jokes, if it was true. In the history of the world, racist humor has led to hate crimes countless times. And while it's usually innocent, it begets a larger problem. Again, thanks for standing up for racism. David Duke is busy, so racism could use a new champion. And as for the hanging in effigy, WOW did you miss the exact point of me doing that. You're like the guy who thinks sarcastic people are serious, and just talking in a different tone for no reason.

As for how I look, I'm glad you don't find me attractive. It'd really weaken your hating gay people argument. But your attacking my alleged physical deficiencies really makes you come off as intelligent. If I am not what you say, you're an idiot for saying so. And if I am those things, then you're an asshole.

I hope you and your friend enjoy your hobby. Sounds very productive.
-Steve


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