Dear Mr. FUCK YOU, YOU'RE ANNOYING.
Please stop sending me spam about your fucking comedy tour. I can't be a 'new Jacksonville' friend, because, well, I DON'T LIVE IN JACKSONVILLE.
Your shameless self promotion is not only annoying, but I might have checked you out before, NOW IT'S GONE. Have a nice day, hope your career doesn't fail as horribly as I predict.
Dear Mrs. HAS ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES.
I apologize for the intrusion, but yikes. You might want to tell MySpace you don't live in Jacksonville.
You freaked out this much on one email, the jist of which offered you free tickets to a comedy club (which most people thanked me for), and said you could just ignore it if you didn't want to hear from me again.
"NO! I HATE YOU! DON'T OFFER ME THINGS! ARRRRGHHHH! HULK MAD!!!!
It's too bad you "might have checked me out." I feel like you'd be a really good laugher.
"THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY! I AM LAUGHING! ARRRRGHHHH! HULK MAD!!!!"
If those were your best regards, I am terrified to read your worst,