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Unpublished Work By Steve Hofstetter

Souvenir
By Steve Hofstetter
Friday, 8/4/06

I’ve never loved Los Angeles
But then again I’ve never been in love
And while the world around me
Dreams and hopes and fears and plays
You’re the only thing I’m thinking of

I would curse the Angelinos
Who surrounded me with metal
With the traffic moving backward on the 5
Now my life is moving forward
Thought the car I’m driving isn’t
Seems just now I discovered I’m alive

New York may have it’s Empire
And St. Louis has it’s arch
And San Diego has itself a zoo
Seattle has a needle
And DC has a house
But LA went and found itself a you

Some say that LA values
Aren’t valuable at all
That people here
Are shallow, fake and twisted
Now I don’t know of anyone
Who pigeons in that hole
To judge I’d have to know
Those folks existed

I’ve never seen the Lakers
Never been to Venice Beach
Never seen a film or even watched TV
There’s no hills, no sign, no pier, no walk
No Grove, no sun, no stars
When I’m with you
There is nothing else to see

Many men are jealous of my home
They want it to be theirs
To afford a town like this, I must be lucky
But let Mr. Thomas keep his guide
I’ll navigate myself
With you, I would be happy in Kentucky

I’ve never loved Los Angeles
With it’s million tales of woe
But just one season
But now I can’t imagine
Loving any other place
I love it here
And you’re the only reason

More Unpublished Work:
*Souvenir (2006)
*How to Stop Being a Clod (2005)
*Long Live the Little Guy (2005)
*I am a Standup Comedian (2004)
*Red Eyes on the Red Eye (2004)
*Twas The Night Before Inauguration (2004)
*Jeez (2004)
*Confusion of State (2002)
*Relapse (2002)
*Cross (2002)
*Global Village (2002)
*Jerry Seinfeld Interviews John Rocker (2002)
*Girlfriend (2002)
*Right of Way (2002)
*Review of My Own Novel (2002)
*Olympic Interlude (2002)
*Botanical Gardens (2002)
*Daddy’s Little Girl (2002)
*Hit (2002)
*Tuning In (2002)
*Be-holding Dad (2002)
*So Long (2002)
*Just a Game? The tragic story of Donnie Moore (2002)
*Tricked Magic (2001)
*Farce and Losing in Atlantic City (2001)
*Keep Our City Clean: Leave Sheffield in LA (2001)
*Saving Silverman: Brain Not Necessary (2001)
*Shadow and Acting (2001)
*II (2001)
*AOHell (2001)
*Primary Day (2001)
*72nd Street (2001)
*Papa Needs a New Pair of Shoes (2001)
*A Brief History of the Jew in the American College Fraternity (2001)
*Just Another Brick in the Wall: The Amsterdam News & Jackie Robinson (2001)
*Steps (2000)
*She is Somewhere (2000)
*Word Play (2000)
*100 Things You Need To Know For College (2000)
*Bad Day (1999)
*Don’t Make Your Title Too Long, and Other Common Mistakes (1997)
*Can’t Beat the Real Thing (1997)
*Baseball Fans of the 80s (1997)
*My High School Graduation Speech (1997)
*Sarah Lawrence College Essay - Accepted (1996)
*Aoo (1996)
*Haze (1996)
*The Cave-in (1996)
*The Lost Epsisode of Seinfeld (1996)
*Seinfeld: The Poison Pickle (1996)
*My House is a Very Very Very Fine House (1995)
*1973 (1995)
*Humor Runs in the Family (1995)
*Don't Quit (1995)
*Be Careful What You Wish For, It May Never Happen (1995)
*Ode to Seinfeld (1995)
*Memoir (1994)
*Jefferies at the Bat (1994)
*Ode to a Void (1994)
*Balls (1994)
*Balls II (1994)