See when Steve will be near you!




Unpublished Work By Steve Hofstetter

Twas The Night Before Inauguration
By Steve Hofstetter
Friday, 12/24/04

Twas the Eve of Destruction
In late January
See, we’d voted for Bush
Instead of for Kerry

Seemed nothing could stop them
Another four years
How could we survive?

We only had hours
Before it’d be cool
To pledge our allegiance
While praying in schools

Four years of invading
Of flu-ing, gay-bashing
Four years of pro-lifing
Book-banning, white-trashing

We had to do something
We had to act fast
We gathered our troops
(Though not through a draft)

We assembled a march
Everyone we could find
Making sure that no child
Would be left behind.

We marched on DC
We marched through the night
To make sure, starting now
This country’d run right

On Stewart! On Affleck!
On Baldwin! On Moore!
On Streisand! On Matthews!
On Springstein! (On tour)

On Capitol Hill
36 miles long.
United and varied,
1-5-0 Million strong.

We were floored by the numbers
And shocked by the stats
A democracy full of
Get this-Democrats.

We all looked out on Washington,
Covered in blue,
From what logic and reason
And schooling can do.

These folks understood
That true patriotism
Does not involve vengeance
Or faith-based racism

Bush talks choice and freedom
As soldiers are dying
Even those from 2000
Can see that he’s lying.

Bush is not blue collar
Ashcroft is unfeeling
And Cheney’s involved
In sketchified dealings

Our apathy, laziness, ennui
Just died
As Karl Rove stared out
Of his window and cried

“Don’t they know who my dad is?!”
Bush callously whined.
And the country rejoiced
As that cretin resigned.

And I stood on that hill
And I stopped and emoted
That this would have been moot
If these folks had just voted

But I knew they hadn’t
I must have been dreaming
And I was, just as sure
As Dick Cheney is scheming

There was no resignation
The country’s still sheep.
Just a Puff Daddy song
Interrupting my sleep

And as visions of recounts
Still danced in my head
I shut off my alarm
And I got out of bed

And I read and I learned
So that my current views
Would be shaped by the world
And not by Fox News

And I hope yours are, too
So we don’t replicate
This same, ig’n’ant mistake
In two-thousand and eight.

Vote for Edwards or Clinton
Or Clark or Obama
Or anyone who
Hasn’t financed Osama.

If we stop being hurt
If we all start forgetting
And it happens again,
What comes next? Armageddon?

The thing about us
Is, we all have a voice
This land is our land.
This choice is our choice.

So, please, don’t stay home,
Help the left become right
Merry voting to all
And to all, a good night

More Unpublished Work:
*Souvenir (2006)
*How to Stop Being a Clod (2005)
*Long Live the Little Guy (2005)
*I am a Standup Comedian (2004)
*Red Eyes on the Red Eye (2004)
*Twas The Night Before Inauguration (2004)
*Jeez (2004)
*Confusion of State (2002)
*Relapse (2002)
*Cross (2002)
*Global Village (2002)
*Jerry Seinfeld Interviews John Rocker (2002)
*Girlfriend (2002)
*Right of Way (2002)
*Review of My Own Novel (2002)
*Olympic Interlude (2002)
*Botanical Gardens (2002)
*Daddy’s Little Girl (2002)
*Hit (2002)
*Tuning In (2002)
*Be-holding Dad (2002)
*So Long (2002)
*Just a Game? The tragic story of Donnie Moore (2002)
*Tricked Magic (2001)
*Farce and Losing in Atlantic City (2001)
*Keep Our City Clean: Leave Sheffield in LA (2001)
*Saving Silverman: Brain Not Necessary (2001)
*Shadow and Acting (2001)
*II (2001)
*AOHell (2001)
*Primary Day (2001)
*72nd Street (2001)
*Papa Needs a New Pair of Shoes (2001)
*A Brief History of the Jew in the American College Fraternity (2001)
*Just Another Brick in the Wall: The Amsterdam News & Jackie Robinson (2001)
*Steps (2000)
*She is Somewhere (2000)
*Word Play (2000)
*100 Things You Need To Know For College (2000)
*Bad Day (1999)
*Don’t Make Your Title Too Long, and Other Common Mistakes (1997)
*Can’t Beat the Real Thing (1997)
*Baseball Fans of the 80s (1997)
*My High School Graduation Speech (1997)
*Sarah Lawrence College Essay - Accepted (1996)
*Aoo (1996)
*Haze (1996)
*The Cave-in (1996)
*The Lost Epsisode of Seinfeld (1996)
*Seinfeld: The Poison Pickle (1996)
*My House is a Very Very Very Fine House (1995)
*1973 (1995)
*Humor Runs in the Family (1995)
*Don't Quit (1995)
*Be Careful What You Wish For, It May Never Happen (1995)
*Ode to Seinfeld (1995)
*Memoir (1994)
*Jefferies at the Bat (1994)
*Ode to a Void (1994)
*Balls (1994)
*Balls II (1994)