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Unpublished Work By Steve Hofstetter

Olympic Interlude
By Steve Hofstetter
Friday, 2/22/02

Freedrich Johanson has been trying to reunite with his mother for almost a decade. And though he hasn’t yet been successful, at least he’ll have a winter with her in his heart. Or Hearts.

Sweeden’s Johanson is the odds-on favorite to win the first Hearts competition in Olympic history, but Johanson says that his desire to win a medal and the historical significance of the event are second and third to his quest to win back his mother.

“I’ve been looking for her for as long as I can remember,” said a teary-eyed Johanson, whose memory dates back as far as 1996. “All I know is that she lost me in a game of Hearts when I was seven. And I’ve been trying to find her ever since.”

When he was 16, Johanson set out to find the woman who reared him, and says that he learned to play while searching for her in Hearts parlors across Sweeden. Johanson considers himself very lucky to be on top of his game while the sport is getting worldwide attention for the first time since Rutherford B. Hayes banned it in the 1880s. But Johanson is less excited for the actual victory, and more for what it could mean to him.

“I’m hoping that these Olympics take my story to a world stage,” Johanson said, while sitting on a stage on a television show broadcast around the world. “And maybe if I win the gold, I could find the woman who loved me enough to teach me how to play this wonderful, wonderful game.”

When asked about the metaphoric significance of participating in a sport called “Hearts,” Johanson smiled. “That’s right,” he said. “And now I’m looking for the Queen.”

When reminded that the Queen of Spades is usually a bad card to have, Johanson said, “Oh. I meant of clubs. Queen of clubs.”

Lets hope that he finds her, wherever she is.

More Unpublished Work:
*Souvenir (2006)
*How to Stop Being a Clod (2005)
*Long Live the Little Guy (2005)
*I am a Standup Comedian (2004)
*Red Eyes on the Red Eye (2004)
*Twas The Night Before Inauguration (2004)
*Jeez (2004)
*Confusion of State (2002)
*Relapse (2002)
*Cross (2002)
*Global Village (2002)
*Jerry Seinfeld Interviews John Rocker (2002)
*Girlfriend (2002)
*Right of Way (2002)
*Review of My Own Novel (2002)
*Olympic Interlude (2002)
*Botanical Gardens (2002)
*Daddy’s Little Girl (2002)
*Hit (2002)
*Tuning In (2002)
*Be-holding Dad (2002)
*So Long (2002)
*Just a Game? The tragic story of Donnie Moore (2002)
*Tricked Magic (2001)
*Farce and Losing in Atlantic City (2001)
*Keep Our City Clean: Leave Sheffield in LA (2001)
*Saving Silverman: Brain Not Necessary (2001)
*Shadow and Acting (2001)
*II (2001)
*AOHell (2001)
*Primary Day (2001)
*72nd Street (2001)
*Papa Needs a New Pair of Shoes (2001)
*A Brief History of the Jew in the American College Fraternity (2001)
*Just Another Brick in the Wall: The Amsterdam News & Jackie Robinson (2001)
*Steps (2000)
*She is Somewhere (2000)
*Word Play (2000)
*100 Things You Need To Know For College (2000)
*Bad Day (1999)
*Don’t Make Your Title Too Long, and Other Common Mistakes (1997)
*Can’t Beat the Real Thing (1997)
*Baseball Fans of the 80s (1997)
*My High School Graduation Speech (1997)
*Sarah Lawrence College Essay - Accepted (1996)
*Aoo (1996)
*Haze (1996)
*The Cave-in (1996)
*The Lost Epsisode of Seinfeld (1996)
*Seinfeld: The Poison Pickle (1996)
*My House is a Very Very Very Fine House (1995)
*1973 (1995)
*Humor Runs in the Family (1995)
*Don't Quit (1995)
*Be Careful What You Wish For, It May Never Happen (1995)
*Ode to Seinfeld (1995)
*Memoir (1994)
*Jefferies at the Bat (1994)
*Ode to a Void (1994)
*Balls (1994)
*Balls II (1994)