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NOTE! The JULY 20 RICHMOND show has been moved to Comedy Sportz Theatre


Unpublished Work By Steve Hofstetter

Jefferies at the Bat
By Steve Hofstetter

It's the bottom of the ninth, sports fans
A perfect game at that.
The score stands three to nothing
As Alicea comes to bat.

The first pitch is outside and high
The second one is low.
The third pitch he connects
And it looks like it'll go

But just then Ryan Thompson
Puts his glove above the wall
Well folks' that was a miracle,
I think he caught the ball

Eric Pappas is the next at bat,
He's 0 for 3 today.
And now three pitches blow right by,
The Saberhagen way.

It's two men out, with no one on,
As Tewk steps to the plate.
He swings, breaks up the perfect game.
And exits Sabes' check mate

The batter's now Ray Lankford,
With one on and two men out.
The count goes 3 and 2 , Well folks
That is what this sport's about.

A single down the left field line,
As they both run the bases.
All the Cardinal fans are wild,
With happy smiling faces.

Another player comes to face
Saberhagen today.
It's Ozzie Smith who swings and hits
His first one of the day.

Gregg Jefferies now steps up to hit,
Sabes tries to get the K.
But the first two balls are high and tight,
The third low and away.

The next two pitches are both strikes,
The crowd suddenly dies down.
The count is 3 and 2
In this large Missouri town

It's the '94 NLCS
Tied at three games a piece.
It all comes down to this next pitch,
And a man named Greg Jefferies.

The pitch is thrown, he swings and hits
What could just be the big one
It's headed for the wall and now
It's going, going, gone.

So all throughout St. Louis,
The celebrating's strong.
But there is no joy in Flushing
Mighty Jefferies has gone long.

More Unpublished Work:
*Souvenir (2006)
*How to Stop Being a Clod (2005)
*Long Live the Little Guy (2005)
*I am a Standup Comedian (2004)
*Red Eyes on the Red Eye (2004)
*Twas The Night Before Inauguration (2004)
*Jeez (2004)
*Confusion of State (2002)
*Relapse (2002)
*Cross (2002)
*Global Village (2002)
*Jerry Seinfeld Interviews John Rocker (2002)
*Girlfriend (2002)
*Right of Way (2002)
*Review of My Own Novel (2002)
*Olympic Interlude (2002)
*Botanical Gardens (2002)
*Daddy’s Little Girl (2002)
*Hit (2002)
*Tuning In (2002)
*Be-holding Dad (2002)
*So Long (2002)
*Just a Game? The tragic story of Donnie Moore (2002)
*Tricked Magic (2001)
*Farce and Losing in Atlantic City (2001)
*Keep Our City Clean: Leave Sheffield in LA (2001)
*Saving Silverman: Brain Not Necessary (2001)
*Shadow and Acting (2001)
*II (2001)
*AOHell (2001)
*Primary Day (2001)
*72nd Street (2001)
*Papa Needs a New Pair of Shoes (2001)
*A Brief History of the Jew in the American College Fraternity (2001)
*Just Another Brick in the Wall: The Amsterdam News & Jackie Robinson (2001)
*Steps (2000)
*She is Somewhere (2000)
*Word Play (2000)
*100 Things You Need To Know For College (2000)
*Bad Day (1999)
*Don’t Make Your Title Too Long, and Other Common Mistakes (1997)
*Can’t Beat the Real Thing (1997)
*Baseball Fans of the 80s (1997)
*My High School Graduation Speech (1997)
*Sarah Lawrence College Essay - Accepted (1996)
*Aoo (1996)
*Haze (1996)
*The Cave-in (1996)
*The Lost Epsisode of Seinfeld (1996)
*Seinfeld: The Poison Pickle (1996)
*My House is a Very Very Very Fine House (1995)
*1973 (1995)
*Humor Runs in the Family (1995)
*Don't Quit (1995)
*Be Careful What You Wish For, It May Never Happen (1995)
*Ode to Seinfeld (1995)
*Memoir (1994)
*Jefferies at the Bat (1994)
*Ode to a Void (1994)
*Balls (1994)
*Balls II (1994)