Ask Joe College: No Skills With the Ladies

Dear Joe College,

Hi, I am a freshman in college and I have absolutly no skills with the ladies. I become a bumbling jackass when I talk to a hot girl. I dont know any pick-up lines or what to say. This has increased my jerk-off levels through the roof. What can I do to get a chick, or should I just keep jerking off? Thanks.

Why me?

Dear Why You-

Wait, you can jerk-off through the roof? Like, through the ceiling and everything? And is this while you’re on the first floor or the second floor? Because the first floor is way more impressive since you’re going all the way through the roof. If this is true, why would you even waste your time trying to get girls? Why don’t you use your talents for something positive, like a circus or the military?

But if you are trying to get girls, I do have one tip. Stop talking about how much you masturbate. Save that for the second date.

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “The roof? Geez that’s powerful.”

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