Dear Joe College,
I’ve recently started my college career as a freshman at North Carolina State University. I’m an out-of-state student, so I thought everyone would be different than I’m used to and it would be a great experience.
What I didn’t realize is that everyone here basically came with half of their graduating class. This is extremely discouraging since I came here to get away from all of the high school muck. Anyway, I’m having trouble finding people who don’t have such close ties with so many people, on top of it, my dorm is on the edge of campus and set up suite style, so you never run into people in the hallways unless they’re headed out. I’m a little lost and I hope you can help, thanks.
P.S. Sorry, I have no witty name
This is a very common problem, and the first serious question I’ve had to field in my very long, two-week tenure as the expert on college life. But fear not – there is a simple solution to your problem. Simply stay tuned – everything will change next week. That’s right – by next Monday, every freshman at every campus in America will realize that their friends are the same vapid people they’ve been trying to avoid, and will actively hunt for new friends. If that doesn’t work, try joining a campus organization, like Greek Life, the newspaper, or one of them lame academic thingies. And if that still doesn’t work, shut yourself in your room and become a humor columnist for a popular website. Within just four years time, you will still be a shut in but you will have graduated so you won’t care so much. Hey, it worked for me. Uh, I mean a friend of mine. It worked for a friend of mine.
Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “get off my lawn, you hooligans!”