Ask Joe College: I Need Some Serious Help

Dear Joe College,

I’m entering my junior year in college this year. All of my relationships have been failures. I don’t understand why I can’t find a guy that is going to treat me the way I want, and need, to be treated. I think if I have any more failed relationships, I might give up on guys all together. I don’t want to think all guys are jerks, but sometimes I wonder. I think it’d be unfair to say that though….you know? I’ve often wondered if it’s my appearance, but I don’t think that’s it. I’m fairly intelligent, I have things going for me, I have goals for my life…what’s wrong with me? Joe, I need some serious help. What should I do?

By the way, are you available next weekend? You seem like someone I could get along with quite well…

Thanks,
Relationship-less in AL

Dear Les-

First of all, are you hot? Cause my advice is WAY different if you’re hot. But since most people reading this are somewhere around average (that’s why they call it average) let me try to hit a middle ground with my advice. A wise man once said that all guys are dumb and all girls are crazy. It is very true ““ and amplified in college. Here’s the perfect example – you’re just crazy enough to hit on me, and I’m just dumb enough not to ask for your number.

But let’s get to the root of your question. OF COURSE your relationships have failed. When you date someone, you either marry them, break up, or have a tawdry affair that lasts until one of you dies or lapses into a coma. So if you think you’re entitled to find your husband when you’re 20, well, that’s nuts.

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “Good freakin’ luck there, missy.”

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