Ask Joe College: Potential for the Threesome

Dear Joe,

I’m currently going after a lesbian (bi-sexual) girl. The night I met her at my house we hooked up somewhat. I got her naked, gave her a full body massage, and performed oral sex on her (with the intent that it would somehow be reprocriated). I think she might be afraid of the penis. I went to class the next morning and came back and went down on her again. Then I recieved only a compliment “Your tongue deserves an oscar!” and still no sexual gratification for me. Since then I’ve came on strong trying to sway her over to the other team. She states she likes girls but is confused about everything. I’m still along for the cock teasing because she’s beautiful, funny, smart, and the obvious potential for the threesome with one of her lesbian friends. What can I do to give her the “Good deep dickin’ ” that all lesbians need.

Feeling Blue (Balled),
Mac

Mac-

Let’s get the whole “I don’t believe you” thing out of the way. If this story were real, you wouldn’t care about her personality at all – because all you’re after is “deep dicking.” And that’s your first lesson – girls don’t like getting a “deep dicking” from guys who use the phrase “deep dicking.” And I love that you mentioned you went to class. Because your being conscientious about your studies really helps me understand this story.

Let’s pretend, for a moment, that this story is real. You’re missing an important point here – lesbians are one of two groups that don’t need any dick at all, let alone a deep one. Which, and this is conjecture here, you might not be able to provide. The other group is heterosexual men, by the way.

This fictitious version of you is wasting his time. If you really want a threesome, realize that you’re in college. You don’t need a lesbian, you need two dumb girls and a box of wine. The rest will follow.

And your tongue deserves an Oscar, huh? So did Marlee Matlin but I bet you sound even more ridiculous when you talk.

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “Boxed wine is way better than bagged wine.”

This entry was posted in Columns. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>