Ask Joe College: The Middle of Nowhere

Dear Joe College,

I go to an interesting college. We live out in the middle of nowhere 4 miles from any town and the only way to get there is by freeway, unless you want to bike which means you can bring like jack sh*t back with you. So most of the time spent here, if you don’t have a chick(this includes chicks since there is a decent amount of girl on girl action here) you are banging everynight, is spent getting intoxicated. Because of the fact that people are starting to get busted for going into the abandoned buildings here on campus; what would be a couple of suggestions of yours for us on what we should do while intoxicated? Some creative stuff, because seriously, we’ve done everything else

Lighting a bowl in honor of your genius,
CSU Majorly Blazed

CSU Majorly Blazed-

How are you enjoying Bakersfield? There are 14 CSUs, but I’ve just got a hunch that you go to Bakersfield.

First of all, don’t light a bowl in honor of my genius. While I appreciate the tribute, Joe College does not support drug use. It’s all part of the court settlement. Long story.

So how do you have fun in the middle of nowhere? Or in your case, about a half hour down the 405 from nowhere? Well, this girl on girl action sounds pretty good. But Joe College does not support voyeurism. It’s all part of the court settlement. Long story.

Frankly, I’m having trouble giving some good advice on this one, since my normal advice would be to avoid these kinds of schools like the plague. Which is what you might get it you cut yourself in one of those abandoned buildings.

But since you emailed me, it shows you have web access. And with web access, you can never be bored. You know why? Porn. The web has lots of porn. And with that much free time on your hands, you can even start your own porn site. Especially with access to all that girl on girl action.

But Joe College does not support amateur porn. It’s all part of the court settlement. Now I’ve got to pay them. Long story.

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, “Man, that was one heck of a week in Tijuana.”

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