Embarrassingly Old Work: Shorts: Jerry Seinfeld Interviews John Rocker – From 2002

JERRY: Hi, and welcome to another edition of “Wit or Without.” I’m your host, Jerry Seinfeld, and I’ll be speaking today with John Rocker, the controversial relief pitcher for the Texas Rangers. How are you, John?

JOHN: Good, thank you.

JERRY: Alright then, let’s get right down to it. What do you think of foreign people?

JOHN: See, Jerry, that’s just like the media to do. I say one thing and you harp on it forever.

JERRY: Hey, I’m just curious. You’ve told us what you think of immigrants, but honestly – what about the Amish?

JOHN: Who are the Amish?

JERRY: You know – they wear black, don’t use electricity, churn butter

JOHN: Churn butter? That’s weird. What country are they from?

JERRY: Pennsylvania.

JOHN: Hmm.

JERRY: So you’re pitching for Texas now. That clubhouse is half Hispanic. Then you’ve got Chan Ho Park on one side of your locker and Hideki Irabu on the other. Who names their kid Hideki, anyway? So you’ve got this giantly ethnic clubhouse and then they sign the angriest black man in America. How is that all going to work for you, since you only like white people?

JOHN: Again with that. It was one article, two years ago. Can’t you just let it die? What do you have to gain from ruining my life?

JERRY: I’m just trying to help this kid with his fiction assignment.

JOHN: Yeah, me too, but I don’t think you need to brate me.

JERRY: Berate?

JOHN: Yeah.

JERRY: Okay. So tell me why you’re not racist, then.

JOHN: See, everyone calls me racist, but they should know I have plenty of black friends. Once, I played at this golf club and even let a black kid caddy the whole day. And my mechanic, Chang somethingorother. Would a racist guy let a chang fix his car?

JERRY: You must be very proud.

JOHN: I am. I think I’ve shown the jackals in the media how tolerant I am. You know my lawyer is Jewish? Maybe you know him?

JERRY: Sorry, I missed the last meeting.

JOHN: What meeting?

JERRY: Yeah. Goodnight everybody.

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