This is an unedited piece of junk mail I received, followed by my response.
From: Fran Crandall (email@example.com)
Subject: Please look my CV. Thank you
I have figured out that you have an available job.
I am quiet intrested in it. So I send you my resume,
Looking forward to your reply.
Hi Fran Crandall! What a great name. Can I call you Frandall?
Thanks so much for applying for a job I never posted. Your ability to figure out that I have an available job is impressive, especially when I wasn’t planning on hiring anyone. That is a great quality in a job applicant. Also, I’m glad you are quiet intrested. I do not like it when people are loud about their intrest. Or their interest.
Anyway Frandall, I wasn’t going to hire anyone, but now that you’ve figured it out, I could use help with my camel insemination business. Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the one actually inseminating the camels. You’d just help set the mood. Candles, music, and manual masturbation of the camel. The pay is only $5.75 an hour, but you get to keep any camel semen left over at the end of the day.
Let me know your intrest.